


Alphabetical Goblin Kingdom

by sticktoice



Category: Labyrinth (1986)
Genre: F/M, Ficlet Collection, Fluff, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-24
Updated: 2014-02-10
Packaged: 2017-11-26 17:26:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/652675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sticktoice/pseuds/sticktoice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A few drabbles set in Jareth's marvelous kingdom after he somehow gets Sarah.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

BLUSH

"Pink" didn't even begin to describe the telltale sign of Sarah's embarrassment—more like "Ruddy Red." Sarah found the color blaringly unattractive. Jareth? Well, he tried his best to embarrass his precious thing at least once every hour. After all, Sarah's face took about forty minutes to completely cool off.

HAMMER

"They need an education!"

"But why? They're perfectly suited for their purpose—to serve me!" Jareth grinned. "And you too, dear."

"Then why were you hitting poor Tidbit just this morning?"

Jareth growled. "The blasted goblin misread my—wait, I was not hitting him. I was patting him gently…to console him."

Sarah's eyes narrowed. "With a hammer?"

JEANS

"This is the one thing on which I must put my foot down."

Glancing at Sarah's reflection, Jareth merely raised an eyebrow.

"You cannot wear those, Jareth."

He examined his reflection in the ceiling-to-floor length, gold-rimmed mirrors. "Whyever not, precious? These please me more than my normal wear. I look astounding."

_Too astounding._  She attempted a different tactic. "They're not really in style anymore. You wouldn't want my parents to suspect anything amiss, would you?"

Jareth, recognizing her outright lie, turned to face Sarah completely. "Why don't you really want me to wear skinny jeans, dear?"

Sarah blushed.

Jareth grinned.

LETTER OF LAMENT

"Sarah, have you been talking to my goblins again?"

The letter in his hand really should've tipped her off. "Well, yes. Why?"

"I've received a letter." Did his voice sound testier than usual?

"Oh?"

"Yes, apparently I'm being sued—" His eyebrows raised predominately as he read a bit of the letter verbatim. "—'for abewsin the rits nd bodie of goblins evrywer.'"

"Oh." Sarah blushed. "Well, the hammer just seemed a bit harsh, and since you refuse to educate them…well, I saw no other alternative."

Jareth shook his head. "Their heads, Sarah, are made of the hardest material in the entire Kingdom. That goblin barely felt my punishment, I assure you."

"Oh well. That takes care of the hammers, I suppose. I still say you should teach them to read."

He smirked—Sarah's chin could probably lift higher than his eyebrows. Not. For. Long. "Why don't you teach them?"

She beamed. "Okay, Sire, if you insist."

_Bloody. Brilliant._ Jareth simmered.

QUAIL

"What's the matter, dear?"

"Another one, Jareth—they sent me yet another roasted quail. And all its feathers. Is this their equivalent of an apple? Because the teacher is not pleased."

Jareth chuckled as he gently separated a feather from her hair. Sarah's eyes blazed as she spotted the downy adornment. "I tried, Jareth. It's up to you."

"Tch, tch. Giving up so easily?" Jareth smirked. "And thank you, but no. I maintain there is  _nothing_ wrong with my goblins."

XYLOPHONE

"You want me to play  _what_?" Jareth's look of horror brought a small smile to rest on his Queen's mischievous face.

"Face it, Jareth," Sarah's smile grew into a full-fledged grin. "The guitar is over-rated. The xylophone is the new thing."

"Anything that forces me to hit it with a hammer to do what I desire…" The Fae grimaced. "…is stupid."

"Like your goblins?"

_Oh bogger._


	2. Pests and Other Nuisances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second installment of our favorite King, his lovely wife, and their exciting (mis)adventures in the Labyrinth. Thank you so much for reading and leaving kudos! ^^

AILMENT

"Jareth?" Sarah peeked her head into their bedroom. "Tidbit told me you've holed yourself up in here since lunch."

"I'm dying, Sarah."

Sarah raised a brow in surprised as she fully opened the door and closed it behind her before tip-toeing across the carpet to sit on the bed next to the King's pallid form. "Why do you say that, dear?"

"I feel hot yet cold," His eyes widened more feverishly in fear than Sarah had seen even when he'd lost Toby. "My head's pounding and my nose—" He stopped abruptly as he sniffed. "It's hard to breathe. I think I've been poisoned." His voice croaked pitifully.

Sarah couldn't help it. Her laughter brought a bewildered look on Jareth's weary face. "Oh, Jareth, you'll be fine. You just have a cold." Her tender hand felt his forehead. "With a bit of fever."

"What should I do then?" He whimpered.

Sarah stifled a chuckle. "Well, I'd say it's time for some chicken—excuse me,  _turkey_  noddle soup."

Jareth smiled.

COLOR

"Color."

Jareth's head lifted from casually resting on his propped-up hand. Sarah stood before him.

"I'm tired of the desert view from my window. I. Need. Color."

Jareth blinked. His precious looked…irritated. "Very well. Go to your room; I'll take care of it."

"Okay." Sarah nodded as she left the throne room, feeling strangely bereft.

OOO  
\ \ \

Balloons—countless balloons—they filled the air with more colors than even known to mankind. The normal reds, blues, and greens floated breezily about Sarah's window but another color caught her attention. She didn't know its name but the color was more cheerful than the brightest yellow, deeper than the darkest red, more vibrant than the most natural green, and even more appealing than the most refreshing blue. Jareth appeared beside her.

She turned from the astonishing sight, curiosity and gratitude overpowering her awe. "Jareth, what's that color called?"

Jareth's feral teeth gleamed. "Sarah."

DOG

The silly pup had yipped too soon. Having just returned from her birthday celebration with her family on Earth, Sarah hadn't even enough time to form a favorable reason for the King to want to keep the writhing, white creature held in his once-clean, gloved hands.

"What is it, Sarah?" Jareth wrinkled his elegant nose. "It smells worse than my goblins."

"It's a dog—a pet, like the chickens," She responded. "And he smells better than your bog, right?"

He raised a skeptical brow but paused before pinning her with his multi-colored gaze. "We're not keeping it. You know that, right, Sarah?"

Sarah's narrowed eyes and conniving smile warned the once-in-control King that trouble had just arrived.

EEK!

"Jareth," Sarah's somewhat breathless voice still managed to convey her anger. "unlike most girls, I can handle rats and snakes. Not to mention the multiple magical creatures that would creep out any normal human being. I even adore those goblins. But what exactly are these?" She pointed to the multiple brown creatures covering the small patch of carpet under and all around the safe haven of the chair she stood upon.

Jareth lifted the source of Sarah's dismay in his hand. So these grotesque creatures were the reason why Sarah had screamed bloody murder for him after squealing like a girl. That had been Tidbit's report anyway. "I'm sorry, dearest. They're called satyns. They're a special type of pixie fairy, and I fear they are just as hard to get rid of. If you find any belongings missing, these things are your culprit."

"Get them out, Jareth."

Jareth's eyes widened. "Sarah, I can't—I've got…things—things that can obviously wait as this certainly requires my immediate attention." His smile seemed far from sincere, but Sarah still stopped shooting her death glare. Instead she smiled sweetly.

"That's what I thought you'd say, Jareth, dear."

FOG

"You can't make it go away? Just this once?" Sarah's eyes rivaled that of her parents' idiotic birthday gift.

"Sorry, Precious, but I can't control weather. That's preposterous."

"Why not? Just use a little magic, wave one of your crystals around, and—" She made a *poof* noise. "—make it vanish."

"It's not quite so…barbaric, dear." My, if he weren't a distinguished, British gent, his jaw would be hanging wide open right now. "Changing or causing the weather to vanish upsets the balance of my kingdom in a way even I wouldn't wish to provoke. However, there is one thing I can do."

Sarah smiled as she peered out her bedroom window. No fog in sight. A few birds twittered about as the sun's rays drifted into the room. As she cast a grateful glance at the new crystal chandelier adorning the ceiling, she couldn't help but gleefully glomp her husband—the Master of Illusion—when he joined her for lunch.

GOLD

"This is pyrite, right?" Jareth lifted the sparkling specimen from their shared dresser top. "I believe I've heard of this. Isn't it pretty worthless, though?"

"Well, pretty much," Sarah shrugged. "But Toby gave it to me. Plus, I actually like fool's gold."

Jareth blinked. "Fool's gold?"

"Oh, that's another name for pyrite."

"Hmm, fool's gold," Jareth mused. "You know, one could say you're fool's gold, Sarah."

Sarah's brow crinkled. "In that I'm a cheap version of something valuable? Gee, thanks, dear."

"No, no. In that you're this fool's—" Jareth grinned as he pointed a gloved finger at himself. "—gold." He kissed her on the cheek before checking his reflection once more and sauntering from the room. "See you at breakfast, love."

Sarah blinked. Did that really just happen?

ICE CREAM

"There you are, Precious. I'd like you to see something." The Fae led a rather surprised Sarah down the hall into the ball room. Goblins everywhere bounced off the walls, landed on the floor, shot to the ceiling, and still managed to keep shouting to each other. Their chatter, much like drones in a beehive, hummed loudly in Sarah's ears. Stepping back instinctively as a goblin landed at her feet before bouncing back into the large mass of chaos, she turned to Jareth. "What's going on?"

"I have no idea. Do you?" His finger pointed to an empty carton of Ben and Jerry's on the once-gleaming wood floor.

A nervous laugh sounded strangely from Sarah's lips. "Oh that." She blushed. "Mom and Dad sent me back with the leftover ice cream. I thought the goblins would enjoy it. Looks like they did—a little too much."

"You think?" Jareth grimaced as one goblin decided to swing on the chandelier. He pushed Sarah out of the room and shut the huge doors behind him, not wanting to see the upcoming consequences. He peered at Sarah. "And just what else did your parents send you home with?"

KICK

The poorly kicked ball went but a few feet. Sarah chuckled at Jareth's frustration. "Darling, really, that was much better than your first attempt. Honest."

"Then how come you can kick it the whole length of the blasted field?"

Sarah beamed. "Well, I've been playing since I was four." She picked up the soccer ball and placed it before Jareth's feet again. "By the way, I just want to thank you again for playing with me."

Her encouragement worked, and she got him to try again three more times. All without very much success. Once again, Jareth's frustration threatened to upset their fun. Sarah chewed her lip before brightening with her new idea. "Pretend the ball's Tidbit, dear, and you need some privacy."

Jareth kicked the ball farther than even Sarah had accomplished so far. She applauded.


	3. OOC

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Adventures in the Goblin Kingdom continue with a visit from Sarah's mother and an OOC Jareth. What could possibly go wrong?

MEDIEVAL

"Sarah dearest?" Jareth whispered into his wife's ear even as he blessed his snoopy stepmother-in-law with a welcoming smile. "Why is your stepmother here, in the Underground, in my own castle?"

Sarah smiled also as she leaned into her husband's arms, tipping her head back to whisper into his ear. "She wanted to see the house. Just remember that you're a historian with a special interest in the Medieval Ages. You also appreciate your solitude—hence the barren countryside—and enjoy renovating castles—hence our house."

"Right. Medieval Ages." The words felt foreign on his tongue. "And just how will you explain my goblins? As little brats in permanent costume?"

"Not to worry, Jareth. She won't see a single one." A smug smile rested on her face.

"Oh Sarah, this painting is lovely." His mother-in-law returned from admiring the portrait of Sarah he'd commissioned as a wedding present. Spotting another attraction, she hurried past them to examine a spectacularly gilded door. "Oh and what's behind this door?"

Sarah's eyes widened as she belatedly raised her hand to stop her stepmother's progression.

Karen swung open the door. A swarm of goblins spilled into the elegant hallway. The older woman stuttered in shock as she pointed a finger at the inhuman creatures presently chattering and shoving each other as they attempted to return to the closet unnoticed.

Sarah blanched.

Jareth smirked.

"I don't suppose you could—"

"Erase your stepmother's memory? Of course, Precious."

OOC

"Are you feeling sick again?"

Jareth halted the fork's ascent to his mouth in order to respond with a bemused, "No."

Sarah glanced at her breakfast before returning her gaze to his face. "Did you have to take another child again? Or…or are you upset with me?"

Her tone, her untouched food, and finally the content of her questions sharply reminded Jareth of the trouble misunderstandings could bring. He forwent the fork altogether and met his wife's scrutiny. "No and no. What's this about?"

"You called yourself a fool this morning in order to compliment me…and I just thought—" The brunette shrugged—"that maybe something was wrong."

Jareth smirked. "Was I acting too out of character for your tastes?"

She nodded.

"Hmm, good." He genuinely smiled as he again picked up his fork. He glanced at his wife. The same, adorably confused look rested on her face.

PEARLS

"All right, Jareth. Your behavior lately has been strange…yet nice. But this is the last straw." Sarah pointed to the skinny black box sporting a gleaming strand of pearls, adorned in with an emerald centerpiece. "What's going on?"

Raising a bemused eyebrow, Jareth procured a crystal in his gloved hand. Spinning the orb toward his wife, Sarah recognized the form of a calendar in its murky midst. A red circled adorned today's date.

"It's our wedding anniversary today," Sarah murmured in sudden realization.

TIME

Seconds ticked by as Sarah just stood there. Her lips quivered as she struggled with how to respond. Rain teemed down her face even as the clearliquid plastered her hair to her face. With bated breath, Jareth waited.

"I—I—" Sarah finally managed. "I'd love to go back with you."

Jareth smiled.

"Are you all right, dear?" A voice intruded his memory. "You're smiling."

Jareth blinked back into the present. "I'm fine, Precious. Just reflecting on the past."

"Oh. Pleasant memories?"

The King grinned as he uncharacteristically squeezed her hand. His voice deepened. "Oh, yes."

VENT

His reflection just reminded him of one rather sad fact—his master was driving him crazy. Tears pooled in his eyes. Glancing around, he knew now was his chance. The King and Queen were eating lunch and surely wouldn't be back for another half hour. He needed to get it out—to vent, for bogger's sake. He didn't get sent from the College for Especially Talented Goblins to educate the mobs of "filthy mongrels that Jareth refuses to teach" for this strange torture.

His sorry state of a reflection encouraged him. Hands trembling at his sides, he finally yelled out, "I hate that stupid hammer!" The loud echoes scared him into scurrying under the immense throne. Silence. No evidence of anyone hearing his cry.

Boldly, he returned to stand in front of the mirror. "I miss going to school!" He giggled this time as his voice reverberated against the bare walls and wood floor. "I dislike being used to teach His Majesty how to kick a soccer ball!"

"Well, Tidbit, thank you for sharing." Tidbit froze, petrified. His eyes traveled up the mirror. The reflection not only revealed his own form but that also of Jareth, his arms crossed as he leaned against the doorjamb. The Fae unfolded himself from the doorjamb and moved toward the throne to retrieve his forgotten jacket. Turning to leave, he stopped to smirk at Tidbit. "I'll try to no longer think of you when I play. But Sarah's getting rather competitive so I'll make no promises."

Tidbit fainted.

YANKEE CANDLE

"You're sure she doesn't remember a thing, right?" Sarah questioned. Her left hand held a brown package while her right held an opened note.

"Your stepmother? I'm sure. No one can resist my magic. Besides, she didn't leave here screaming, did she?" He frowned when her brow didn't cease its worried wrinkling. "Why do you ask, Sarah?"

"Because she sent us a Yankee Candle 'to put on the table underneath that beautiful portrait of you in your wedding dress.'" Sarah gave her husband a pointed look. "So I'll ask you again…are you absolutely sure she can't possibly remember a thing?"

Jareth laughed. "Nothing to worry about, dear. I only relieved her memory of that little bit with the goblins. Of course, she'd still remember the portrait."

Sarah nodded before chuckling at herself. "You're right. I'm just being overly paranoid."

Karen sat reading on the porch swing for a brief moment of quiet before she reluctantly rose to go inside. She needed to prepare dinner. A glance at the mailbox reminded her of her gift. She wrinkled her nose. Her poor stepdaughter could certainly use those candles. She pocketed the familiar, red-covered novel as she opened the screen door.

"I never thought this place was real. Sarah needs all the help she can get."


	4. Change in the Weather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A compilation of ficlets set in Jareth’s marvelous kingdom after he somehow gets Sarah. J/S

**Disclaimer:** I don’t own _Labyrinth_. I just like to write silly stuff for it. **  
**

* * *

**NEST**

Thousands of the brown nuisances scurried along the inside of the hollowed-out stone like ants. Upon closer inspection, Jareth realized that the surprisingly wingless faeries bulged in certain areas. Reaching his still gloved (though this time, they were made of plastic—oh horrors!) hand into the midst of one particular bulge, he noticed a sparkling glimmer emerging. Jareth’s hand finally convinced the faeries to scat, revealing Sarah’s pearl anniversary gift. So that’s why she hadn’t been wearing it. Jareth’s relief only lasted for a second.

"Jareth, dear, what’re you doing on the floor?"

Jareth stood smoothly in front of the stone wall. “Oh nothing, Precious. What has my lovely bride been up to today?”

Sarah’s eyes narrowed as she neared her suspiciously behaving husband. “Why are you trying to block the gaping hole filled with those despicable satyns?”

Jareth raised his hand to scratch the back of his head. “So…you know about the nest?”

"Yep, we’ve reached a compromise."

"Oh?"

"They get the necklace. I get my room."

Jareth summoned for exterminators to come within the hour.

**REVENGE**

"Come on, Jareth, that’s not fair. You’ve gotta try it."

The ever-so-dignified Goblin King wrinkled his nose. “It’s made out of a vegetable, Sarah.”

"Is His Royal Majesty refusing to eat his vegetables? Shameful."

Jareth’s eyes narrowed. “But it’s bread. You don’t make bread out of vegetables. That’s unnatural.”

"True," Sarah conceded before her eyes brightened. "But after I tried that fairy berry smoothie, you owe me one, dear. Especially after our experience with fruit." A pointed look.

He took a bite. And promptly spit it out.

Sarah smirked. “Oh, did I put spinach in there instead? Whoops.”

**SUNSHINE**

Precariously standing on tip-toe, Sarah reached for yet another crystal and twisted it. Nothing happened. This stupid chandelier—why didn’t Jareth write some instructions for it? But then, shouldn’t this thing be so easy a goblin could do it? Apparently not. She reached for another gem. Nope, the sunlight still poured into her room. Finally giving up, she stepped down from her chair and growled, “Fine. This is _not_ a piece of cake!”

The sunlight completely disappeared from the room as the clouds rolled in. Success.

"What did you do to my chandelier?" Her husband would appear _after_ she needed his help.

Sarah’s smile turned apologetic. “Sorry, dear. I’m tired of the fog and the sun. I need rain.”

"I hate rain."

**UMBRELLA**

"Well, I’m gonna go for a walk," Sarah pulled on her slippers. "Wanna come with me?"

A horrified look graced the Fae’s face. “You want to go for a walk in this?”

His wife laughed. “It’s fun traipsing in the rain, I promise. Very romantic.”

His face held nothing but skepticism as he followed the determined brunette down the stone steps and toward the castle gate. He stopped suddenly. “Aren’t you forgetting your umbrella?”

Sarah turned to face him, disbelief written on her face. “You can’t dance in the rain while holding an umbrella. That’s ridiculous!”

"But…" She never thought she’d see the Goblin King whimper. "We’ll get wet."

**WHINE**

"Wouldn’t you say that we should be heading back now?" He could only stand her ridiculous, supposedly romantic, walking-in-the-rain notions for so long.

Sarah laughed. “Soon, soon. I promise.”

A slight, almost whimpering noise escaped from Jareth’s mouth. Sarah lifted her face and turned toward him. Large, woeful eyes, a tiny orange beak, and fluffy feathers greeted her.

"That’s not fair, Jareth."

The owl raised a rather sardonic eyebrow before widening his pleading eyes.

"Oh, fine. We can go home now."

**ZERO TOLERANCE**

Sarah considered them on even grounds now. A “piece of bread for a peach” or some similar bit of nonsense.

He disagreed. Strongly.

The peach gave her a lovely dream while that horrid bread brought him…indigestion.

He snapped a bucket (filled with slimy, slightly cooked spinach) into place above the throne room door. He slouched comfortably across his royal seat and waited.

The door suddenly swung open, the bucket tipped, and there stood a dreadfully drenched Tidbit.

Sarah’s laughter echoed through the halls, easily reaching the exasperated king’s ears. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally the last chapter! Sorry for the wait; I didn't realize that I never posted it here. Thanks for reading!


End file.
